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I always sleep nowadays beside my computer friend and my beloved Internet. Today as usual, I opened my eyes in the morning to surf the Internet with my friend. Suddenly my eyes came to see a video for Toufik Al-halak, in the program “ negative and positive”; he was talking about a mother’s escape in a wonderful realistic poetic way. This scene made me cry; the wonderful interaction between the picture and the poetic wording in it, taking into account also my chronic sadness, which I live now everyday. All these factors came together to burst the tears out of my eyes.

Nowadays, all the Syrians have terrifying memories of pain and annoying scenes that we didn’t see even in the worst nightmares, which makes everyone of us at a low threshold to tolerate any sort of shocks. Whoever thinks that all these colorful sad incidents in our lives makes us more tolerant to pain is wrong, it is totally the opposite. I think this is what makes eastern societies more passionate than the west; secondary to the pain, sorrow and setbacks we had throughout our life. We get carried away in our emotions that often overcome the reason. I always remember my father’s words in his aphorism here “you’ll see my son, as you get older, the less your threshold to tolerate problems and mistakes”. Well, I don’t blame my father now for not watching the news anymore; his patience is gone a long time ago for there are too many mistakes and injustice.

This revolution did not achieve its goal yet, in taking down Damascus’ tyrant. The outside opposition has many times made mistakes, the regime trap toppled them more than once and also the disagreement they have over many issues; frustrated my poor father and a lot others. My father is still waiting impatiently the fall of this tyrant regime, so he can go back to his home and people; this double-crossing regime made him a refugee long time ago. You can see and feel the fear from a long lasting war that exhausts our people inside and outside. The regime said it; it will continue killing, displacing, deporting and quelling all the opposition by the ugliest ways; it will stay in leadership as long as it takes. You can see hesitation and confusion among the outside opposition especially now after all the support stopped; we all know why.

What is the solution then? The solution is clear; is that all the people, I mean all the Syrians must put their fear on the side and stand by the truth. Yes, say the truth and stand by it; life is a stand. I hate to summarize the whole life with small words, but it is in this case. The truth should be said, stand by and build on.

Then, I saw an interview for Amin Hafez on TV; he started his talk with this proverb “A man must stand by the truth against falsehood whatever it takes, life is a stand”. Then I remembered an old famous saying form one of my family relatives. I was ten years old back then, and he was sick with a tumor in his brain; the doctors said to him that this tumor may grow bigger and there is a possibility that you may develop a stroke and become handicapped in a wheelchair, but if we do the surgery the mortality percentage is high up to 95 percent, the success percentage is 5 percent. Of courses this man decided to go with the surgery with mortality percentage of 95 percent refusing all the begging from his wife, children and relatives. I remembered, I asked him back then; why do you want to do the surgery? then he grabbed my hand, looked into my eyes and said” Live free or die with dignity”. I did not understand this deep proverb back then. Truth to be said, that only now I understand what this saying means. How this example is similar to our reality now, this authoritarian regime is the cancer itself, which spread all over the body of the country, poured over his poison into the minds of most young people, puts in his filthy precipitants in the hearts and hold grudges in the limbs of this body. The surgery represents saying the truth and standing by it; the final result is either to live with dignity and honor or the good death (martyr).

What happened with my relative? He died while doing the surgery, yes he died. But when I remember him, I always remember him as that great person standing always on his feet with smile on his face. Yes, I did not see him handicapped and I will never see him handicapped as long as I live.

Ironically, this person was a political activist; and the tumor that grew in his brain was as a result from the torture in the prison; this regime’s evil and tyranny reached out my past, my present, but the future is ours. Yes, it will be ours, those who say the truth and stand by it.

This is what I don’t want to my country; to see it handicapped or paralyzed, as it was under this unjust regime. But I want to remember it with a smile always on my face, and I say it in all the forums that I am from that country where all his people live either with dignity and honor or die seeking it.

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